AND YES I’M BACK.
I’m back to loving, baby, but not recklessly this time. I’m loving with all my heart and with all my mind at the same time. So pardon the occasional (?) cheese. Pasensya, first time sa pag-ibig na dinadama at iniisip.
They say, marry your best friend, but I say, no, don’t. Marry instead that person you love but can’t seem to figure out and understand. Then you’ll spend each day trying to predict and master her ways, and you’ll be pleasantly disappointed each time, coz she’s still got a lot of secrets under her sleeves. Then you’ll be thankful you didn’t marry your best friend, because really, finishing each other’s sentences every time, c’mon, that looks sweet alright, but after a while, honey, pwedeng wag kang masyadong makialam sa pangungusap ng may pangungusap?
Living life wouldn’t mean that you have to do things right to have eternal life after death. Living life would mean, you have to live it the way you want it. The way you think is right. She is the only reason for this. Just HER. Why is God’s definition of love is so different from everyone else’s? How can it be so different from mine? We all know that it simply feels good to love. Everything about me, my whole body, my mind, my heart, my soul, my whole being points out to this person and tells me that what I’m feeling is not a lie. How can that be so bad in the eyes of so many? And in the eyes of God?
I was thinking maybe it would have been better and easier if it was someone else. But the things is - its not. Why does it have to be her? Why does it have to be only her? I’m going to be completely honest and spare myself from being completely disillusioned. I just want one day to be with her. Just one day. That’s all. Nothing more. Nothing less. I just want to be able to live that moment again. To let my heart feel an overflow of emotions. I want to feel intensity flowing into our bodies, releasing on our fingertips. Is that too much to ask?
And now I know why they invented words for love, why they had to: It’s the only thing that can come close to describing what I feel in that moment, the baffling mixture of pain and pleasure and fear and joy, all running sharply through me at once.